i'd taken lorazepam and paxil for about 3 years, and having reached a good point in my life, decided to come off of the drugs this summer. everything seemed to be going along well, until the holidays. then the panic attacks struck. without work to distract me, there was very little structure and motivation to my days. i began to worry that i'd always be alone, be forgotten, be unloveable. my mind kept comparing me to others, and constantly berating me for past mistakes and speaking hopelessness for the future. it was like a movie on repeat in my head, that i couldn't stop, so i knew it was time to get back on the meds.

what do people do for a life, outside of their work? i've hit a most uninspired point in my life. and i'm scared of everything. i think most people change and take more risks than i do. when i was young, my family life was unstable, so i thought that if i got a good-paying, reliable job, that i would be happy. wrong. it's going to take awhile to understand that there's more to life than just doing what is expected. ugh. and i wish the morning panic attacks weren't happening... trying to get in touch with the doctor to refill that prescription of lorazepam...